For a lot of time

I didn't write here for a lot of time.

For me it is very understandable. You write here only when you go out of yourself at some point, when you don't feel pretty comfortable with yourself and when you can not keep your thought in your poor head alone...

I don't know really what I am going to write here now.

Since some time I discovered that probably I was living not my values in life for a lot of time.

Nice discovery, but very poor.

This February happened to be a time for self-discovery.

It was a productive winter also.

Before I was thinking that the most difficult thing for me in life would be to lose some part of my body, to not be able to stand myself in that condition. I really was/am afraid about it a lot.

Like all your life you used to perceive yourself in some condition and now you are not like this.

Since some time, I perceive that the most difficult thing for me is to lose some of my very very close people (grandparent, parents, boyfriend, friends, relatives), actually those people who gave me some parts of them and in whom I also left some parts.

The reasons for it can be very different: for breaking relations to death.

And I am really scared of this. I feel that personally I left some part of me in them and if something i happen with this relations or with these people, what will I do?

I don't know.

I never put family or friends as my priority value in life, now I understand that I represent myself through those people who are around me...

Heart. Human heart. The most powerfull engine in the world, the most powerfull organ in the human body.

There is a definition in Kabbala "the point in a heart", which means the fisrt 'embrion' of the soul. The point where the soul of the person starts. It is out of materialistic needs of a person.

The activation of this point happens when the emptyness and nonsatisfaction of a humanbeing concentrating give an opportunity to understand the meaning of life.

It is also very connected with the balance and disbalance- those main points of the development of personality when you go out of the usual behaviour and feeling and you start to feel a little bit strange or not a little, going out of yourself.

Such kind of a moments in a life of a person usually are not very frequent, but they are very usefull.
Person starts to learn new things, to study 'life', to investigate and to explore.

Physically it may be compared with a feeling when thousands of small knifes are cutting your heart from inside and thousands of voices are in your head.

But I think that it is an absolutely right movement.

I am in this position now. And I am happy for this process...

This Sunday I have been to Triennalle in Milano.

I visited an exhibition of Italian design. I can't say that I was impressed, cause I saw part of the exhivbition in St.Petersburg in LOFT project ETAGHI.

But then I took a magazin about PIRELLI exhibition.

Truly say, some old very nice deep feeling arose inside me.

I remembered my love to different industrial things, fabrics, man, machines, factories.

For sure my love to such kind of thing came from my life in Sverdlovsk -45 , in Russia and my enjoyment of factories in St.Petersburg.

It is very exited to me, such kind of things. I would like to work with this kind of things, this kind of man and machines. It is something that have calm power, strength and laconic.

Maslou

Today was thinking about the Piramid of Need , which Maslou invented.

We spoke about it a lot at hte university, but today I experienced all the power of it.

I couldn't work, because my primitive needs weren't satisfied. I wanted to eat, to sleep, and ...

Yes, really, it influence a lot on the work you do, becuase you can't have an inspiration, while thinking all the time about your stomach or your eyes, which are going to close each minute.

From the other hand, sometimes, when you feel yourself hungry and sleepy, you are run by some inner strength, inner inspiration. Something is leading you to your idea.

Want to be actually in that mood.

MyAIESEC.net

Truly say, MyAIESEC.net plays a huge role in a life of all AIESECers.

I am an AIESECer. And now I work in MC of AIESEC in Italy. I am MC VP Communications.

Why am I writing this? Because now I am resposible for web publishing. And I am fucking for already 2 hours trying to put some videos and brochures on the web-page. And you know what?

It is not successful. You know, I feel myself very stupid. Why? Because I studies informational technologies in university, and I can't do this.

Last 2 days I have some problems with all this staff. My karma.

Finish with this.

Sad Anna

www.AIESEC.org/Italy

Time

Time is passing and passing, every day and every day...

Really it is like a river, where you can't enter twice.

So many things happened with me last 3 weeks.

It was a time of new. New people, new things, new activities , new food, new challenges, new air...

I liked this time a lot, even if it is difficult for me to remember all the emotions all activities, which were happening to me that time.

But it is a time of my life....

Now I am a little bit sad, because a lot of changes are happening in my small young and very naive soul. I see this as good movements, but I don't know where they will lead me.

The first page...

I didn't like blogs and other kind of social networks...

I didn't want to show my feelings and emotions to other people...

For me it is not necessary to speak with people...

I like to communication with those Anna's I have inside...

But I decided, fortunately or not, to write my perosnal blog because of several reasons:

1. New page of my life started when I had come to Italy;

2. I have so many emotions and thought, that not to forget them, I always need to make a dialog with my self. Not to forget this dialog I decided to write it in this blog;

3. Socail networks are developing in a such an extensive way, that to stay updated you need to follow the trends...

I will put some happenings from my life in this virtual space.

I will use Verdana cause I got used to it in my everyday work.