For me it is very understandable. You write here only when you go out of yourself at some point, when you don't feel pretty comfortable with yourself and when you can not keep your thought in your poor head alone...
I don't know really what I am going to write here now.
Since some time I discovered that probably I was living not my values in life for a lot of time.
Nice discovery, but very poor.
This February happened to be a time for self-discovery.
It was a productive winter also.
Before I was thinking that the most difficult thing for me in life would be to lose some part of my body, to not be able to stand myself in that condition. I really was/am afraid about it a lot.
Like all your life you used to perceive yourself in some condition and now you are not like this.
Since some time, I perceive that the most difficult thing for me is to lose some of my very very close people (grandparent, parents, boyfriend, friends, relatives), actually those people who gave me some parts of them and in whom I also left some parts.
The reasons for it can be very different: for breaking relations to death.
And I am really scared of this. I feel that personally I left some part of me in them and if something i happen with this relations or with these people, what will I do?
I don't know.
I never put family or friends as my priority value in life, now I understand that I represent myself through those people who are around me...